RandomGoth’s sanctum

Archived from November 18th 2003

Greetings friend thou hath done well to make it thus far. You have reached the inner chambers of my sanctum. Rest and make thyself at home, It is not often that I have visitors within these walls but I am lonely so i beseech thee tarry awhile and explore my home.

Welcome to my dark corner of cyberspace where I am attempting to bring God’s love to my dark subculture!!!

Deep inside RandomGoth’s inner sanctum

We emerge from a long dark tunnel into a small but well lit room, candles flicker in the corners, glinting off leather bound books displayed on the bookshelves.

Welcome to my home friends, feel free to explore at thy leisure. Oh one last thing if thou doth discover my cat, please don’t disturb him. don’t say I haven’t warned thee. That cat has a nasty temper.

Statement of Faith

This is what I believe.

I believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who was born of the virgin Mary, Conceived by God. I believe that through his sacrifice on the cross we are set free from the chains of sin. I believe that three days later he arose from the dead and some time later arose into heaven where he now sits at the father’s right hand.
I believe in the one god eternally existent in three persons, namely Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
I believe in the present ministry of the holy spirit by whose indwelling presence, the Christian is enabled to live a godly life.
I believe in the resurrection of the saved and the lost – the saved unto the resurrection of life, and the lost unto the resurrection of damnation.

About RandomGoth

Greetings friends, I hope you have enjoyed wandering my small corner of cyberspace. I felt I should tell you a little bit about myself. Firstly I’m a ChristianGoth and if you want to find out about me then you will have to leave your preconceptions here. If you aren’t prepared to abandon your preconceptions here then feel free to stop reading and follow this link back to my main page.

I trust that by continuing to read you are willing to be open-minded and want to find out more about me. I guess I should really start by explaining what I believe a ChristianGoth is, The term ChristianGoth refers to someone who is both Christian and a member of the Gothic subculture. Now I hear you cry but a Goth cant be a Christian because Goths worship Satan or are pagan or Wiccan, Well that my friend is where you are very much mistaken. Goth is a lifestyle not a religion, it is a aesthetic part of life rather then a spiritual one. There are individuals amongst the Gothic subculture who are Satanists, Pagans and Wiccan, but there are also many people who are atheists or are from more traditional religions such as Christians, Jews and Buddhism. The ‘true’ Goths, and by ‘true’ I mean those individuals who don’t just decide to follow the stereotypical Goth image as a confused teen seeking attention and rebelling against their parents and peers, are very open-minded and accepting of other peoples beliefs. I personally don’t mind what other people’s beliefs are I am very open minded to other people’s opinions, obviously as a Christian I would rather they were Christian but I will respect other people’s beliefs. It is entirely their own choice what they choose to believe.

Being Gothic is about way more then black clothes and music, its a way of life. Those amongst the Gothic subculture see the world for what it has truly become a place of death, darkness and destruction. Yet there is something beautiful to be found in the destruction and darkness, and it is this beauty that Goth’s celebrate. The phoenix comes to a fiery end but out of its ashes comes new life something more beautiful then before.

ChristianGoth’s often face adverse reactions from more upright traditionalist Christians who think that they must be Satanists even though they are attending Church. I had a close friend who upon entering a church wanting to worship his lord was told to Be Gone Spawn of Satan. My friend was exceedingly hurt by these accusations and it was many months before he found the courage to try a different church. My friends, does not the bible say “judge not lest ye be judged” ? Yet so many people still judge people on appearances before they get to know them. It really doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside because God’s love sees what your like on the inside. The lord loves everyone.

Being a Christian goes beyond your outward appearance, Its about having a personal loving relationship with the one who died to set us free, Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Being Christian is allowing Jesus into your life to cleanse your sins and set you free.

Jesus said – “Here I am. I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door. I will come In”

I believe that God has a plan for me, he wants me to be a light amongst the dark, to bring his love to those who need it most. He has called me to be a warrior for him, to share his love with those who may not necessarily know that he loves them. I have accepted his challenge, I have picked up the gauntlet of faith with his love I can stride forth knowing that he is watching over me. He has provided me with the chance to share his love with those who many Christians wont go near. I am a Warrior of God, shining for him amongst the darkness.

You see my outward appearance and judge me for what I seem to be, yet I see you for what you really are you are a child of God and he loves you dearly and no matter what your opinion of me maybe I will love you because God loves you. I am his light amongst the darkness, his warrior of light I shall shine for him amongst his people and bring his love to those who need it.

Goth is about far more then wearing black leather, lace, spikes, chains and striking makeup it is about style, appearance and personality. If you add to that God’s love and his holy spirit then it becomes breathtakingly beautiful.

Random Goth’s Current Stats

Name:- Lady Keridwen
Nicknames:- RandomGoth, Zenz, Kez, RG
Birthday:- 23rd December 1987
Sex;- Female
Location:- My House, United Kingdom!
School Status;- y11, Currently doing my GCSE exams
Religion:- Christian,
Favourite Published Authors:- Anne Rice, C.S Lewis, Tolkein, Brian Jaques, Edgar Allen Poe
Favourite Quotes:-

  • “There are many dreams to be found in poetry, you may need to sacrifice your perfect existence to find them” (Source Unknown)
  • “Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.” (Edgar Allen Poe)
  • “Now, I say to you today my friends, even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: – ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.” (Martin Luther King)
  • There exist only three beings worthy of respect: the priest, the soldier, the poet. To know, to kill, to create. (Charles Baudelaire)
  • In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it’s the exact opposite. (Paul Dirac)

My Testimony

My life changed for ever on the 25th January 2004. It was on that day that God really touched my life and entered in.

I woke up that morning feeling different, good different but definitely different. I dismissed this feeling and headed for church. During the service the preacher ‘Judy’ talked about how God will always be there to put his finger under your chin and tell you that everything will be ok. Not unlike the touch of a father to a child who has fallen and cut her knee. She said that he was always there to wipe away the tears, to pick you up and dust you off. It really touched something deep within my heart, I didn’t realize it but today was special, today was going to be a day I will most likely remember for the rest of my life.

I headed home to get ready for Ixth hour which is a Christian youth gig that happens once every month. My favorite band Yfriday play every time. Anyway, during one of their sets, during a slower song (they play rock music mostly but have a number of slower worship songs too) I felt God moving through me, forgiving me, I felt crushed and at the same time released and happy. I don’t remember what song was playing at the time or who was around me. I vaguely remember ‘Shaun’ holding me close to him, cradling me. It was only when I got out into the entrance hall and caught sight of my face in the mirrors that I realized I had been crying, my eyeliner was in two black lines down my face. I remember feeling as if a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I could feel the holy spirit moving in me. I knelt down in the entrance hall and just prayed, I prayed more openly more freely then ever before. My prayers pure thankfulness and full of love for Jesus who was willing to die for me. That night is not a night I am ever going to forget. That was the night I dedicated my life to God properly.

In the following days I felt invigorated by God, I was able to talk more freely about my faith, It was as if everything suddenly made sense to me.
Last weekend I went on a Youth weekend to Bassenfell Christian center in Cumbria, we did various bible study activities based upon the theme of God being the rock upon which we build our lives. I loved every last minute of it, I had a new craving for God. The bible study sessions culminated in an evening of worship, in which I could really feel Jesus’ presence in the room particularly during a very moving rendition of ‘Be thou my vision’. After words ‘Judy’ who had come with us had a word with me. She said that on the 25th she had seen God moving in me, that she had prayed and felt that he had great things in store for me, things I may not know yet but things that will glorify his holy name. I was stunned, but really happy, we prayed together and I feel that this is the beginning of a new chapter for me. A chapter where God and Myself shall walk hand in hand.

Thanks be to God for he is my rock and my foundation.

The ABC of Starting Over

With thanks to YP’s bible study guide available at all good Christian book shop, there is a new issue every two months. I really recommend this particular study guide as it’s well written and aimed at Teenagers. ^_^ I have found it to be really useful.

  • A) is for admit.
    • We cant just cruise up to the almighty as if we’re in business. If you want to be a Christian you’ve got to say sorry. You need to be ready with God’s help to sack every wrong action, word and thought that you know he doesn’t like, and start all over again.
  • B) is for Believe
    • Its pretty obvious but if you want to be a Christian you’ve got to believe in Jesus and trust that when he died on the cross, he was taking the punishment for all the wrong things you have ever done.
  • C) is for Consider
    • Being a Christian isn’t a soft option – you need to think it through before making a choice you might regret. If you give everything to God, people will think you are a bit weird. It will cost you time and energy to be a real Christian. But in return you will get the fullest life now and eternal life when you die.
  • D) is for Do It!!!
    • If you know its true, there’s no point dallying about. Go for it! You are not a Christian because you know the facts about Jesus, you have actually got to do something about it. Jesus said ” Here I am, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and open’s the door, I will come in. If you don’t open that door he can’t come in, so what are you waiting for? Open that door!

(Disclaimer – I do not receive money from YP for advertising their study guide, I merely find it to be my preferred study guide. Your best bet is to shop around and look at different guides until you find the one most suited to you.)

Prayer of Saving Faith

When becoming a Christian, it is often difficult to know what to pray, so I have provided some prayers below. You don’t have to use these prayers, they are merely guidelines sometimes it is more fitting to pray what you feel in your heart but feel free to use them if you wish. On the subject of prayer, you don’t have to kneel down, close your eyes and put your hands together nor do you have to speak out loud. A silent prayer from the heart wherever you are, can be just as effective as kneeling down, closing your eyes and speaking your prayer. It is entirely up to you, as long as you are comfortable.

Prayer 1

Dear Lord God,

I am overwhelmingly in debt to you because of my sin. Because of what I have done, I have hurt you, damaged others and spoilt your world. I would like a new start and am now turning away from all I know to be wrong and setting my feet on the path to follow you.

Thank you that Jesus died on the cross to pay the price for my sin. I now receive the gift of your forgiveness that this made possible. Please take hold of my life as my Lord and come and live your life for me forever

Thank you for hearing this prayer and answering it.

Amen.

Prayer 2

Lord Jesus.

I want to follow you. I know I have done loads of bad things. I know I don’t deserve to go to heaven. I’m sorry and I turn away from everything I know to be bad and wrong in my life. Thank you so much for dying in my place. Please fill me with your holy spirit. With your help, I’ll live all out for you for the rest of my life.

Amen!

Remember, such a prayer is not a magic incantation. Stutter and stumble all you want – but be confident that God has the resources to forgive you, cleanse you and to fill your life with himself.

My Poetry

Ah my friend, dost thou have an interest in the fairest form of writing? Well below thou will find some of my poetry, a link to FictionPress.com where the majority of my poetry is published as well as a link to the message board I frequent which was formed by one of my fellow poet’s and his friend.

There are common themes to be found within my poetry, they are Religion and Darkness. I will at times write poetry on other themes but those are the main themes I concentrate on.

Newest Poetry will now be displayed at the top of each category with the new logo beside it.

Religious Poetry

The Gift

The sin that separates;
Shames me.
The evil that consumes;
Angers me.
The darkness that looms;
Frightens me.
The love that is shown;
Amazes me.
The light that surrounds;
Guides me.
The fire that burns;
Warms me.
The arms that encircle
Hold me.
The price that was paid;
Humbles me.
The blood that was spilt;
Purifies me.
The body that was broken;
Saves me.
The father’s love;
Empowers me.
The wretch that was saved;
Is forever thankful.
Amen

For Jaded

So.
It came to this my friend.
It came to an end.
Final. Finished. Forever Gone.
You no longer grace this my world.

Your final bell has tolled,
You rang it out of time.
Your final curtain has fallen,
You cut the ropes that held it.
You no longer grace this my world.

I will never understand it.
Can’t hope to know the reason why.
All I know is that you’re happier now.
The pain, the confusion the darkness,
All ended now, along with your life.
You no longer grace this my world.

I pray now to my lord,
I pray for you and your soul
I pray for your family and loved ones.
I pray for your friends
You ended your life, hurting many.
You no longer grace this our world.

An empty spot in my heart,
Marks the hole you have left.
You selfishly took away a gift that was heaven scent.
In ending your life, you broke many hearts.
Left this world and its troubles behind.
You no longer grace this our world.

We all miss you Jaded.
We can’t hope to understand the reason behind your actions.
It’s useless to mutter why? To an uncaring sky.
You had your reasons; you know the answer why.
But now you are gone,
No longer gracing our world.
God rest you Jaded.

Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ
He died for me
He died to set me free
His blood, his bones
Broken and spilt
All to save me
Jesus Christ
Sneered at and scorned at
His sacred love saves me
His courage aids me
Crushed and alone
His death sets me free
Jesus Christ
My lord and saviour
Lamb of god
His blood freely given
His love sets me free
Sets me free from my sin..

Bounce on in the name of God

Bounce on in the name of God
My lord I am moshing
Moshing in the light.
My lord I am jumping
Jumping in the light
Once more I shall say it
Once more I shall cry
My lord I am moshing
Moshing in your light
My lord I am jumping
Jumping in your light

My lord and saviour

My lord and saviour
I wanna lift your name on high
Your eternal love
Motivates me.
My lord and saviour
Your glorious light is
Purifying glowing
Growing within me.
My heart it is yearning
Yearning to know more
More of your love
More of your life
My lord and saviour.
Tell me of your teaching
Tell me of your life
Enable me to live for you
In my daily life.

The darkened church

The slender beams of moonlight stretch their cold pale fingers
Into the darkened church where I kneel.
Alone in my confusion
Alone in my pain
Quietly praying, my mind in turmoil.
Accusing forms of haloed saints
Wrought in panes of glass
They observe me as I pray.
Dust motes swirl and dance in the shafts of pale moonlight
As painful images streak through my open mind
Penetrating the dark depths of my soul.
Gleaming tears streak my upturned face
As I kneel in sacred reverence
At the foot of the cross.
The blood pounds in my ears
As I pray to my saviour, Lord Jesus Christ
Confessing my sins,
My heart it cries out
Abba father forgive me.

Are you calling me?

Lord Jesus
Are you calling me?
Is that your voice?
Whispering my name
Calling me to follow
Calling me to pray
Lord Jesus
Are you calling me?
Is that you standing close to me?
Comforting me, holding me?
My lord, are you calling me?
Calling me to power
Calling me to worship?
Lord Jesus
Is that your love softly surrounding me?
Protecting me, caressing me?
My lord, are you calling me?
Calling me to glory
Calling me to love?
Lord Jesus
Is that you holy spirit?
Warming me, empowering me?
My lord, are you calling me?
Calling me to testify
Calling me to praise.

Dance Floor Revolution

Body to Body
Sweat with Sweat
perspiration mingling
the crowd seethes
in time to the beat
Bass line stomping
People Jumping
Can you feel the beat?
Hands in the air
a forest of fists
fingers reaching heavenwards
individuals coming together
becoming a one.
all dancing to the same tune
bringing the message of Jesus to the dance floor
God is moving in this place.

Who is this Jesus?

Who is this Jesus?
I hear you ask
the one you speak so highly of
Who is this Jesus?
you love so much?
Pray tell me this….
Who is this Jesus you claim to know
I hear you asking me
If you listen
I shall tell you
who this Jesus is
this Jesus whom I love.

Born of Mary
Son of God
from the virgins womb
that is who this Jesus is
this Jesus whom I love
come to earth to save us all
born of Mary he hath become flesh and bone
Son of man
that is who this Jesus is
this Jesus whom I love.

He is the light
light of the world
Come to battle darkness
that is who this Jesus is
this Jesus whom I love
his light shines out
a beacon of love
shining out to save us for eternity
that is who this Jesus is
this Jesus whom I love.

He is the way
a well-worn footpath
the bridleway to god
that is who this Jesus is
this Jesus whom I love
He guides us through our life
showing us the way
guiding us each day
that is who this Jesus is
this Jesus whom I love.

He is alpha and omega
he is the first
and he is the last
that is who this Jesus is
this Jesus whom I love
He was there at the beginning
and he is there at the end
our alphabet of peace
that is who this Jesus is
this Jesus whom I love.

He is the truth
100% real
he tells us no lies
that is who this Jesus is
this Jesus whom I love
nothing concealed
all is displayed
he does not deceive
that is who this Jesus is
this Jesus whom I love.

Gate of heaven
guarding us all
keeping us safe from harm
that is who this Jesus is
this Jesus whom I love
Our security
a haven of safety
a place behind which to rest
that is who this Jesus is
This Jesus whom I love.

My darkest hour

Lord Jesus hear me as I pray
be with me in my darkest hour
abide with me
let me know of your wondrous love
let me feel your wondrous presence
be with me in my darkest hour
abide with me
Lord Jesus hear me as I pray
you know my thoughts before I do
you know me more then I will ever do
Lord Jesus abide with me I pray
as I enter this my darkest hour
Look over me as I sit here
Lord let me not do something
I fear I shall regret
abide with me in my darkest hour
I crave your presence
be close to me
I sit and contemplate my life
and the mess I have made
you gave me this life and I f****d it up
Lord sit with me as I pray
lest I do something
I know I shall regret
Lord hear me as I pray
Stay the knife
replace the pills
hide that bleach
slow that speeding car
Lord I ask you
be with me
abide in me
as I struggle with these emotions
Hate, fear, anxiety and guilt
abide with me in this my darkest hour
for I fear without your help
I cannot continue
not without you and your love
my lord I would go mad
Lord Jesus hear this prayer
I speed it to you on crimson salted wings
in this my darkest hour
as I contemplate this sin worse then murder
the ending of my life
the killing of my pain
Suicide
Lord Jesus abide with me
as I enter this my darkest hour
Stay the knife
replace the pills
hide that bleach
slow that speeding car
let me not end this gift
the gift of life you gave
support me I pray
I crave your love
I crave your presence
abide with me I pray
no matter how hard it gets
or the size of mess I make
I know this one thing with all my heart
you are here with me
my glorious lord your love uplifts me
With it I am saved
I can survive
I can pull through
I can survive this darkest hour
so lord Jesus hear my prayer
abide with me
hold me tight
reveal your love to me
in this my darkest hour
Amen.

I must decide

My lord and god, I say I believe
and yet I start to doubt
I start to question the truths I hold true
the faith I hold so dear
Is this the enemy?
clouding my judgement
with his deceit and lies
causing my doubt
with his deceit and lies
Or am I starting to see
are the trappings of religion falling away?
Is the cage of faith unlocked?
have I lived a lie?
Is Satan the truth?
Have I deluded myself?
Is Satan the truth?
I have reached the crossroads?
Which way should I go?
Will I follow a new direction?
Which way do I turn?
Right?
Left?
Light?
Dark?
God?
Devil?
Christianity?
Satanism?
I agree with parts from each of these ideals.
I must decide
I cannot follow the middle path forever.
Do I walk with Jesus
in the so called light?
Or shall I stride with Satan
Lord of the darkness
Prince of flames?
I must decide.

Flame of my lord

Lord light the fire, Set flint to the stone
Create your spark to make me burn.
This flame in my heart is ebbing away
Slowly but surely its being snuffed out
By the sultan of evil, the prince of all hell.
Satan’s dark breath is blowing me out.
He is crushing my faith, like dust in his hands.
Lord, send your love to rekindle my flame

Set flint to the stone; create your mighty sparks again.
Rekindle my great fire, so I might burn with your love
Help me to once more shine with your message of love.
Make me a beacon of faith for the world
To guide the way to your love and warn others of Satan’s danger
Lord, send your spirit, to rekindle this flame

Set your flint to the stone, a spark to create
The spark that will help me shine out with this faith
Lord, light my fire; make me glow bright for you
Bright with faith and bright with your love.

Fallen Angel

My lord, see your fallen angel
Kneel dejected at your throne
Her black mascara tears fall heavily from her chin
Her elegant wings bent in defeat.

My lord, see your fallen angel
Kneeling darkly at your throne
She comes into your presence
To beg forgiveness at your feet.

My lord, see your fallen angel
Kneel repentant at your throne
Her voice cracking, heavy with emotion
As her sorrow she doth intone.

My lord, see your fallen angel
Keel ashamed at your throne
Corrupted by the dark one
His lie’s she hath held true.

My lord, see your fallen angel
Kneeling wretched at your throne
She drank of the dark one’s cup
And feasted on his lies.

My lord, see your fallen angel
Kneel penitent at your throne
Her wretched heart is shattered by the evil one’s delight
Forgive her sins my glorious lord.

My lord, see your fallen angel
Kneeling shamefaced at your throne
Begging your forgiveness at your feet
For the wrong things she hath done

My lord, see your fallen angel
Kneeling crestfallen at your throne
Confessing her thoughts to you o’ lord
Forgive her thoughts my wondrous lord

My lord, see your fallen angel
Kneel before your throne
Strong for you once more my lord
Her lesson truly learnt.

My lord, see your fallen angel
Kneeling forgiven at your throne
Her wings radiate with love
Her tears gone for now
O great and merciful lord.

ChristianGoth

I am a light, yet I walk in the shadows
My feet tread a path, few would brave
My mission is simple, to show others his light
I am his warrior burning bright
That’s why I am a light and I choose to walk in the shadow.

I am a light, yet I walk in the shadows
A pure, warm light in a sea of pitch black
I am his disciple among those who are outcast
I am his warrior burning bright
That’s why I am a light and I choose to walk in the shadow.

I am a light, yet I walk in the shadows
I sneer at the minister who shakes in fear
At the sight of my brethren gathered here
I am his warrior burning bright
That’s why I am a light and I choose to walk in the shadow.

I am a light, yet I walk in the shadows
Some Christian you are, you judge and condemn
On apperences you glimpsed from afar
I am his warrior burning bright
That’s why I am a light and I choose to walk in the shadow.

I am a light, yet I walk in the shadows
I bridge the gap from culture to subculture
I tread where you shy away, I love where you condemn
I am his warrior burning bright
That’s why I am a light and I choose to walk in the shadow.

I am a light, yet I walk in the shadows
Talking of love on some darkened dance floor
Chatting of faith in some underground bar
I am his warrior burning bright
That’s why I am a light and I choose to walk in the shadow.

I am a light, yet I walk in the shadows
I am at home, this is my culture
Christian and Goth melded together, I preach of his love
In the underground world, a 15 year old girl
I tread where grown men fear and shine where they hate.

God gave me a challenge that I gladly accept
I am a light and I shine for him
Among my dark brothers and sisters, I pray to him
He gives me the power to talk of his name
Among the subculture of Britain I shall shout his name.

I am the light and I shall walk in the shadow
I am me,
The light,
The ChristianGoth,
A 15 year old girl,
I’m on a mission of saving Grace
Cowards the lot of you, You fear for my safety
Yet do not aid me in my task
Well let me tell you;
I am his warrior burning bright
And I choose to walk the darkness of night.
Satan Beware!

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